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Words that Heal Bullying and Body Shaming

10/9/2024

What do you say to a child who’s been bullied or body shamed?

Being repeatedly fat-shamed and ridiculed can leave lasting scars.  But a new study of 341 bullied teenagers, now an average of 25 years old, shows there are words that can help them recover.

Parents and friends usually try and reframe a nasty comment in a positive way – like telling a fat-shamed teen they are “big-boned” or “curvy.”  There might be better approaches, according to forthcoming research in the International Journal of Child and Human Development.

One approach is to focus on how the bullied person – perhaps unknowingly – makes other people feel good.  “For instance, you might say how their eyes light up the room, or how their smile is infectious,” according to lead researcher Valerie Wansink, from the Lansing Central School District in New York.  “Bullying makes people feel alone and disconnected.  This approach makes them feel connected and valuable.”

A second group of bullied people reported hearing an “anchor” word that eventually became a positive part of their identity.  Being called ‘mesmerizing,’ ‘striking,’ or ‘quietly graceful’ was something that really stuck with people and became part of how they see themselves – even years later.

Boosting up a bullied teen by giving them an anchor word that could influence their identity or by saying how they uniquely influence others isn’t easy.  “The more thought you give to who your child is or who they could be, the more your words might heal,” said Wansink.

Although 32.3% of body shaming related to weight, teens were also attacked because of their height, skin, hair, and specific features such as their nose or teeth.  The most memorably hurtful comments were exaggerated comparisons or derogatory nicknames.  The web-based survey involved an international group of English-speaking people (79.5% female; average age 25.03 years) who had a body shaming or bullying experience as a teenager.

The article is being published in the forthcoming issue of the International Journal of Child and Human Development. The full paper can also be accessed at www.TheThirdLook.org.