The Best Question to Ask a College Freshman

About a month ago we dropped off our middle daughter at college.  Now we're back for Parents Weekend.  

Three days of awesome togetherness time, but not what you'd expect.   On Friday, she had a 5:00 calculus assignment due and then a 11:59 PM humanities research paper due. Then she came to our hotel and slept in until 11:00 AM. On Saturday, it was club meetings. On Sunday, project meetings and study groups. She's coughing and exhausted, but she's elated every day.  

Across all schools in the US, only 60-65% of the students who start college will graduate from that college within 6 years. Of the 35-40% who don't graduate, some are asked to leave, and some decide to leave.  Two of my first three college roommates were in that first group.

For anxious helicopter parents the question we irritatingly ask our Freshman children the most is "How are classes going?" followed by "So how are your classes? " followed by "How are the classes going that you are taking." 

A friend said that when he went to an orientation week for one of his kids, the Dean of Students said that asking "How are your classes going?" was the wrong question to ask.  

Instead, he said, you should ask them "Have you made a best friend?"

Interesting . . .

It might be that having a best friend is a buffer against dropping out.  You have someone to compare daily experiences with, someone who makes you feel you belong, and someone you want to stay in school to see.   

It might also just be that asking them about a best friend is less irritating, grating, and anxiety-producing for them than asking for an update on their calculus grade.   (When I was in my PhD program I cringed whenever people asked me how my dissertation was going.  My Mom and Dad even started calling it "the D-Word" to make it less PTSD-inducing.)

For anybody having a new freshman starting school, asking them about a best friend may be a lot more diagnostic than asking them "How are classes going?"  Asking them about a best friend might be a more welcomed or productive conversation path than we might think.

I think it would also make you a more welcomed and interesting person when talking to other Freshman college kids of your friends.  
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