I went to a super small college in a super small town, and I clearly remember my advisor having me and my college sweetheart over to his home for ice cream on the day I finished my senior project. That reconfirmed to me that I wanted to be a professor. When I was in my master’s program, three of my professors each had us over to their homes for dinner on the last day of the classes. I still remember where I sat and what we talked about.
Over the past 30 years I’ve had way over 200 dinners or parties at my home with graduate students, visiting scholars, summer interns, teaching assistants (TAs), advisees, lab teammates, and so on. The last class session of every graduate class is a dinner, we have welcoming parties for any new person in the Lab (and going away parties when they leave), we celebrate every time we get a major grant by having a party, and when I have a speaker or colleague in from out of town we’ll usually also invite a student or two for dinner with them.
These dinners and parties were always lots of fun. They created of team committment, a lot of good “buzz” (people really wanted to be TAs), people felt very quickly accepted and valued, lab members felt appreciated, and so on.
Looking back, I also think a lot of things could have gone wrong that fortunately didn’t. There was sometimes lots of wine, they’d sometimes last really late, and they were sometimes pretty loud. Sometimes people brought musical instruments and we jammed, sometimes people turned the stereo up to 11, and sometimes neighbors complained. Most of my colleagues tend to not have students over to their homes, partly because of what they imagine could go wrong. They're partly right, but that's largely a shame. There's a solution.
Over the years as I started seeing how different things could spin off the tracks, I gradually started coming up with little rules of thumb I’d use to try and keep things in check. About 10 years ago, I finally honed in on some guidelines that have luckily worked for me. For new summer interns or graduate students, I’ll do them all. For long-term employees or post-docs, I'm more liberal:
 Put a start and ending time on the invitation (like 6:00 to 9:00)
 Have lots of interesting nonalcoholic things to drink
 If there's going to be alcohol, only serve wine
 Only offer the equivalent of 1 glass per person.
(People will often bring other wine or beer, but this usually keeps things in hand)
 Keep everybody on the main floor or on the back deck (and close other doors)
 If there are still females around after 9:00, make sure my wife stays up until they leave
 At 9:00, turn the music off and don’t open any more wine
Now, I used to have none of these rules. I remember when I was a single 30-year old MBA professor, and I was having 26-year old Dartmouth MBA students over to my apartment for end-of-semester dinner parties, there’s a number of things that could have gone wrong. Fortunately they didn't, but these guidelines would have good idea.
My best memories as a student were when professors had me over to their homes. I admired them, and I wanted to be like them. Being invited over, made me feel like part of an inner academic circle. It might not mean anything to some students, but it might also be remembered by others 40 years later.
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