 What do you say to a child who’s been bullied or body shamed? Being repeatedly fat-shamed and ridiculed can leave lasting scars. But a new study of 341 bullied teenagers, now an average of 25 years old, shows there are words that can help them recover. Parents and friends usually try and reframe a nasty comment in a positive way – like telling a fat-shamed teen they are “big-boned” or “curvy.” There might be better approaches, according to forthcoming research in the International Journal of Child and Human Development. One approach is to focus on how the bullied person – perhaps unknowingly – makes other people feel good. “For instance, you might say how their eyes light up the room, or how their smile is infectious,” according to lead researcher Valerie Wansink, from the Lansing Central School District in New York. “Bullying makes people feel alone and disconnected. This approach makes them feel connected and valuable.” A second group of bullied people reported hearing an “anchor” word that eventually became a positive part of their identity. Being called ‘mesmerizing,’ ‘striking,’ or ‘quietly graceful’ was something that really stuck with people and became part of how they see themselves – even years later. Boosting up a bullied teen by giving them an anchor word that could influence their identity or by saying how they uniquely influence others isn’t easy. “The more thought you give to who your child is or who they could be, the more your words might heal,” said Wansink. Although 32.3% of body shaming related to weight, teens were also attacked because of their height, skin, hair, and specific features such as their nose or teeth. The most memorably hurtful comments were exaggerated comparisons or derogatory nicknames. The web-based survey involved an international group of English-speaking people (79.5% female; average age 25.03 years) who had a body shaming or bullying experience as a teenager. The article is being published in the forthcoming issue of the International Journal of Child and Human Development. The full paper can also be accessed at www.TheThirdLook.org.   
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Kenny G is the universe's highest-selling jazz musician, and he magically appeared behind me at the Syracuse Jazz Festival. His band opened with three standing ovation songs before he spoke.
I’ve been lucky enough to see tons of great concerts – from Led Zeppelin about 50 years ago to Bruce Springsteen about 50 days ago. When all of these musicians make their opening remarks, they usually exude cool attitude or unrestrained ego. None of them said what Kenny G said next.
He talked about the debt he owes to his high school music program. He held up his sax and told people it was the same saxophone his Mom and Dad bought for him 50 years ago in high school band. He said he was playing with these same guys for over 40 years. He went on to say they all got their start in their public high school music programs. He then introduced each person by saying what their hometown was and naming the specific high school they attended. For instance, he and his keyboard player had met in Franklin High School jazz band in Seattle and have played together ever since. In 50 years of watching concerts, I've heard superstar musicians sing that "we don't need no education, we don't need no thought control," or about throwing fastballs during their high school glory days. I've only heard one of them ever say how grateful they are to the education they got in public high school, and how grateful they are for their music teachers. As amazing of a musician as this guy is, I think he's probably also an amazing person. |
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